• Ryan Dunlap

Why I Love It When My Wife Farts In Bed, And Why You Should Too.

Updated: Dec 27, 2020

A fart can do more than break the wind. It can also break the tension and break down barriers between two people. So be bold, let it rip!

Messy white bed with blankets and pillows

Every night as we are preparing for bed, my wife and I go through a little bedtime ritual. First, we climb into bed and if we haven’t done so already, we pray. Then, we kiss each other goodnight and immediately begin wrangling our arms and legs together in a game of human-spaghetti. We do this until we are positioned perfectly and feel comfortable enough to fall asleep while tangled in each other’s bodies. After she’s got her arms wrapped around me just right, she will tell me in her best bedroom voice that she has to “pangu.” In Korean, that means she’s got gas and I need to be sure that the back blast area is clear. “There’s just something about your touch.” she says as she chuckles and falls asleep.


Now here’s the thing; I love when this happens! Call me crazy - or a glutton for punishment - but there’s just something special about a moment of matrimonial flatulence. Don’t get me wrong, the girl can move mountains. Even though the aroma of my wife baking brownies under the blanket isn’t the most enjoyable thing that we do together in our bed, I do take great joy in this for a few reasons.

#1 It Demonstrates Trust

I recognize that for many people, passing gas in front of their spouse is a controversial thing. I don’t believe that it should be. To me, popping a booty-bubble in front of your spouse should be a milestone moment. It should be remembered and celebrated because it’s an indication of trust in your relationship. It takes time to build up the courage to be vulnerable in front of someone for the first time, and if we’re honest with ourselves, all we really want out of our marriage is the ability to be vulnerable and secure at the same time. That doesn’t happen when we feel judged or criticized whenever our bodies do what they are designed to do, or when we are compelled to hide it. When it happens, and it will happen, embrace it. Don’t overreact. Instead, demonstrate that your spouse can trust you with their insecurities. It will give a whole new meaning to loving someone from the inside out.


#2 It Establishes Security

I love that after more that a decade of marriage, we still fall asleep in each other’s arms. There is a real security in that. I desire for my wife to feel so secure, that she can let her guard down completely in a moment and just…. let it out! She doesn’t have to question what I might think of her. She never has to wonder, “Am I dishonoring him or myself when I do this?” She will always know that she is safe to be exactly who God created her to be when she is in my arms.

#3 It Means We Are Present

Looking over the last 4,700+ days that we’ve been married (so far), I can count on my fingers the total number of times that we’ve not gone to bed together. For the most part, we are in our marital bed, every night, at the same time, together. I think about it this way. The aroma from my wife is a reminder that I’m present with her. That’s a privilege that many people don’t get to enjoy. If I were absent, I wouldn’t only lose out on the opportunity to smell her, but I would also miss out on the opportunity to touch her, hold her, comfort her, and make love to her! Being able to lay next to my wife is a blessing. If the only price I have to pay for being present is a little flatulence, I’d say the juice was well worth the squeeze!

#4 It Gives Us A Bigger Perspective

In marraige, it can become so easy to magnify little problems and make them big ones. The reality is that most marriages begin falling apart due to little issues, not major ones. Like the little cracks in the foundation of a home magnified over time, the pressure and bad storms in your marriage may ultimately begin to wear at the foundation of your heart. Your love may fracture and, after enough time has passed, you both may break. The little things that used to be cute become annoying and eventually unbearable.


A fart may be a temporary annoyance, but the bigger picture is that it has zero impact on the long-term effectiveness of your marriage. I keep this in mind, not just for a fart, but for all the other little annoyances that I feel as well. It helps me to keep perspective and to pick my battles. Sometimes, when your spouse lets one go, it's best to just let it go. When you apply this principle to all the other minor issues in your marriage, it keeps you from making permanent decisions on the heels of temporary problems.

#5 It's Funny

We seriously don't take ourselves too seriously. When it comes to passing some gas, it's not uncommon for us to high-five if it's a good one.


So, the next time your spouse serves up a butt-biscuit, hold them a little closer and squeeze them a little tighter. Embrace them and the cloud they floated in on! At the end of the day, it's just a fart. It will pass....

About The Authors:

A couple enjoying coffee in the mountains of Bali, Indonesia

We are Ryan and Alicia Dunlap, marriage coaches and the founders of ThisIsKnotLove.com. Like a knot, we believe there are two types of marriages; those which are miserable, tangled messes and those which are intentionally fashioned together to join two separate things together as one. We work to remove the bad knots that cause marriages to unravel, and fashion secure knots that hold marriages together. We're just here to help you get the kinks out! #TIKL #KnottyLove


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