• Alicia Dunlap

I don't always wear heels, but when I do...

Updated: Jan 10, 2019

Never hesitate to make a statement with your marriage.

Black and white high heel shoes

Women can be quite sly. We know how to manipulate others a little better than the opposite sex does. Knowing that, I admit that I don't trust women. Especially single women. I don't know what attracts some single women to married men, but let's just say that the "SOLD" sign doesn't always slow their ambition.

We've had quite a few encounters with women trying to be too friendly toward Ryan. Some might not see it the way I do, but I know better. I've been very good at discerning when a woman's agenda isn't quite right. When I sense it, I become like an animal. I'm either prowling in stealth mode or I'm puffing myself up to warn you off. In one particular situation, I chose the latter.

My husband use to work as a School Resource Officer a few years ago and absolutely loved working with the students and faculty. Well, except for one. There was one teacher who was very forward with not just Ryan, but many of the other male staff members at the school. I remember one day when Ryan came home and told me about this strange teacher who didn't seem to have very good professional boundaries. She was "extra" friendly he would say. So much so, that the office secretary would step in to cover for him on many occasions. Whenever that teacher would come around, she would say that "Officer Dunlap is not in right now" when he actually was. Thinking back on this, I should've baked this woman a cake or made a nice gift basket for her because she was the true MVP.

Now Ryan did make every effort to avoid this particular teacher, and any time he did have to engage with her, his body camera was always on. My husband is quite cautious to the point it's a little comical to me. "You ain't goin' to get me!" he'd say. Ryan even joked that I should come up to the school to handle business.

Well Mr. Dunlap, that's not a bad idea!

One day, I decided to put on some make up, some nice fitting clothes and topped it off with some cute heels. I headed over to the school Ryan worked at and pranced right in to surprise him for lunch. He knew I was coming to pay him a visit, which I did from time to time, but he wasn't expecting me to be dressed to the nines. Mind you, I'm a casual wear kind of gal; minimal make up, sneaks, jeans and a simple top. Did I mention I had on some lipstick too? Yes, I came to make a statement! Ryan already knew what was up.

"You looking for that teacher?" he asked.

"Heck yea, let me just say hi," I replied as I stretched my calves to work on my sexy pose. My legs really weren't conditioned for those heels.

Typically this teacher would walk down towards Ryan's office around lunch time, but wouldn't you know it, she was no where to be found that day. Convenient, don't you think? I bet she had a feeling that morning to not walk down there. Anyway, after some unnecessary loitering and hoping that she would show up, I eventually went back to my car.

As soon as I made it back to the car, Ryan called me on the phone.

"Heyyyyy, so guess who just walked down the hallway as soon as you walked out? Wanna come back?" he asked. "BOY PLEASE! I'm just now taking these heels off and putting my flats on!" I told him.

I only planned to wear those heels for 5 mins! Plus, I ain't gonna lie, I was hobbling back to the car once I made it to the parking lot. Judge if you want. It was funny, but also very serious. Sometimes you have to make your presence known.

My point is this - Ryan and I are not naive about people wanting to distract us from one another. When one or both of us recognize it, we work intentionally to make our relationship presence known, and we do it together. We see too many couples who are "together," but their action's don't always reflect it. Even in the small situations like in the story I shared, we have a little fun with each other while making sure to let people know that we are very serious about our boundaries.

We always recommend to the couples that we coach to set clear boundaries and to communicate openly. We are very transparent with one another and we both respect the covenant we made. Boundaries like these are important because it helps to avoid the appearance of evil. The enemy only needs for us to crack the door open and he will use that crack to inject jealousy, lust, temptation, complacency or any number of other negative emotions into our marriage in an attempt to tear it apart.

As Ryan would say, "You ain't gonna get me!"


About The Authors:

A couple enjoying coffee in the mountains of Bali, Indonesia

We are Ryan and Alicia Dunlap, marriage coaches and the the founders of ThisIsKnotLove.com. Like a knot, we believe there are two types of marriages; those which are miserable, tangled messes and those which are intentionally fashioned together to join two separate things together as one. We work to remove the bad knots that cause marriages to unravel, and fashion secure knots that hold marriages together. We're just here to help you get the kinks out! #TIKL #KnottyLove